Boy Bitching

Things are too personal right now for me to be political even though much is happening in the world that requires comment. Others are doing a fine job of that. So I'll forge on.

He often laments that he doesn't know what's going on with me until he reads it here. But I talk and talk and write it all down for him on paper. Maybe it's the realization that others are seeing it too that makes him sit up and pay attention a bit.

I went away for a week with the kids. He offered to do a whole host of major jobs around the house in my absence. I declined, and asked that he just do the necessary tasks: take the garbage out, mow the lawn, tidy and sweep. I just wanted to come home to a clean house.

Then I came home to a disaster. He said he was so tired at night, he couldn't do anything. But he did manage to take the dog for lengthy walks, and bathe him, and get out all the free weights (and leave them in the middle of the room). I'm assuming he actually used the weights for a period of time. But he couldn't muster the strength to carry the garbage can from the back of the driveway to the curb. Or he forgot all these trivial things, so I came home to a clean dog, but a stinky house. He's resigned to his forgetfulness, "Guess I fucked this one up too." Golly gee, too bad I'm such a dope.

The dog and the cabin are the highest priorities. He's up there right now starting to work on the inside. I'm home cleaning the mess he left in his wake. The house and family come a distant second to the cabin and dog. Actually I come second because I can potentially provide pleasure. The house and family come after his work and his friends. They're at best sixth in line.

But I wrote way back here about our respective idiosyncrasies. He's ADHD. How much can be excused because of a condition or disorder or whatever? I mean, he's too tired or forgetful to get the garbage out, but he can get supplies and drive four hours to work on the cabin all weekend. But that gives him more pleasure and satisfaction than trivial mundane tasks that need doing over and over around the house, so I'm supposed to be understanding of this.

But who wouldn't rather build something than clean it?? His thing is, he gets so much more pleasure out of the one, and so much pain from the other, that he just can't possibly be expected to remember or have energy for basic cleanliness. Somehow he sees himself as differently-abled from others in just this one respect, so I'm not to get too upset that I have to do all the tidying up after him.

And now, another back-breaking straw, I have to tidy up after his dog too. I have to clear out all the toys from the yard to mow, and I regularly have to sweep up all the stuffing from my couch cushions that he destroys every minute he's left unsupervised - which is often. And even though he washed the dog, he didn't wash the bedding (the kids' beach towels which we sorely missed last time we swam at the cabin), so it still stinks like wet dog in the house.

Yesterday, as I unpacked from the camping trip, I had the doors open to go in and out with stuff. The dog got loose three times. Each time he got annoyed at the kids and me for opening the doors in the house. He didn't offer to help me unpack, and he didn't offer to take the dog for a walk to get him out of the way for a bit. He just kept leaving the dog in the house, disappearing somewhere, then getting mad when he escaped again because of our carelessness.

And as I was trying to get my older two kids re-packed and off to their dad's for the weekend, he kept rambling on and on about his work. I kept asking him to wait until the kids were off, but he'd stop briefly while I spoke directly to one of them, then continue his rant. I was unpacking, doing dishes, and saying good-byes to the kids, all the while he was telling his tales of woe of yet another job site he's going to hate.

ADHD or just plain inconsiderate? I don't really care anymore.