My daughter is toilet trained now, but still demands an audience when she goes. And sometimes she takes bloody forever. So yesterday, as I was keeping her company in the bathroom, I started checking out the little odds and ends that mar my face. You know, squeezed a few blackheads, plucked a few wondering eyebrow hairs (like, halfway up my forehead). I feel the need to keep my eyebrows a bit tidier now that I’ve got them all decorated (well, one anyway – but if I don’t even tidy-up the other one it will absolutely seethe with jealousy).
Then, with the early evening sun shining directly on my face, I noticed a multitude of dark brown hairs on my upper lip that would have rivaled my first boyfriend’s attempts at manliness. At first I was baffled that I could have missed seeing this monumental a stash up until now. But then a funny thing happened. I started doing the upward finger-feel of the little hairs like I had seen my old boyfriend do, and I actually admired my ability to grow such a wonder of masculinity. I felt pleased with myself, and, ever so briefly, had the urge to show-off what my body had created all by itself.
The urge passed before my daughter finished crapping, though. And I tweezed out some of the darker and longer offenses while she wiped.
In the kitchen, I asked my guy, “Did you notice my upper lip is all of a sudden covered in dark hairs?”
“Yup,” he answered quickly and sheepishly.
Aghast, I asked, “When did this happen?!”
“Oh, it’s been growing for a few months now. I only notice it when we're up close.”
“And when were you planning on mentioning something to me?”
“Never. I would never have told you. How could I possibly ever bring it up?”
“Does it gross you out? Would you just have started having sex with the lights off?”
“We only do have sex with the lights out.”
“Is that why? Does it make me look hideous?”
“Not at all.”
“So… should I keep it? Cause it’s kinda cool in a weird way. Do you think I look good in a mustache?”
“Well," he began, "it doesn't make you look bad, but it doesn’t add anything to your beauty either.”
Okay should I get him to run for office? Because I really think he could win.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
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8 comments:
Your guy played that well...lol
omg, is he available for rent? or possibly seminars? i noticed another grey hair the other day and wondered why no one told me.
well i'm not the best judge, cuz I've had mad crushes on a couple of women with noticeable mustaches. And I've got a nifty little grey fu-manchu thing starting on my upper lip, too, that I keep forgetting about til one of the hairs curls down and starts tickling my lip.
Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
My husband has a similar talent. Once I received a haircut that was absolutely horrid. Even my best friend told me I looked like Alice from the Brady Bunch. Eventhough I kept prodding him searching for any sign of dislike, all he could do was make either positive or neutral comments. I commend him for this talent. I would have been as direct as my friend.
I just can't help but express an honest opinion when my wife asks me about, well, anything.
Of course, she returns the favor by giving me her honest opinion, unfiltered, all the time, even when I don't ask her about it.
Wow, that's impressive. My guy wouldn't come up with something like that unless I fed him the words so he could repeat them back to me.
And I've definitely been known to do that, too. "Honey, what you need to say right now is...(fill in the blank)"
Hah. Go Sage's guy!
BTW, I really have intentions of finishing my interview someday. S'pose it's a good thing that I'm not in grad school, eh?
He's good!
He's a keeper. Tact is important -- both in politics and relationships.
To be honest, I read tact more than brutal frankness in his comment as you've quoted it. Then again, nothing wrong with that.
My husband recently told me he actively disliked my new haircolor. Granted, it was something I vaguely suspected from comments he'd made beforehand. But I wish he hadn't been so honest about it. On the other hand, I told him to keep it buttoned up, and I didn't hear another word about it. Only I did feel a bit better about speaking up about emergent love handles I've spotted on him.
Then again, both he and I are very superficial -- I'd never hold us out as any kind of ideal.
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