Identity and Piercings

Thinking Girl's got a good discussion going on identity, and I've been thinking further about how I'm generally perceived compared to my self-perception.

I went to get my eyebrow pierced a few days ago. On my daughter’s 12th birthday, she wanted the top of her ear pierced. I joked that I could get my eyebrow done at the same time. She said, “No, mom. You’re too old for that.”

Sounds like a challenge to me!

We found out she has to wait until she’s 14, but my interest didn’t wane. So I did it, and she’s a bit upset about it all. It’s not really my age; it’s that having a facial piercing isn’t mom-like. I told her to widen her definition of mother, quick, before she becomes one!

But at the piercing/tattoo place I met up with two old students of mine. We caught up while I waited. They had some movies they had borrowed from the piercer, a friend of theirs. When he was ready for me, he came out and we all chatted a bit. Very friendly and joking and laughing. I said good-bye to the guys and went for my appointment.

In his little room, he asked me how I know those guys.

“Oh I used to teach them.” Stunned look and silence. “I’m a teacher.”

Suddenly his entire demeanor was different. No more laughing and joking, he was somber and serious and uber-professional.

I hate working in a profession that expects me to be a bastion of morality. Even if I knew what a bastion was, I wouldn’t want to be one. I fail miserably at inspiring the youth of today to stop swearing or save it for marriage. I might inspire one or two to become electricity-Nazis in their homes, or write letters to political figures, or read their Plato, but that’s about it. They can fuck and say fuck all they like as far as I’m concerned.

It occurs to me that the “Oh, you’re a teacher” reaction is pretty much identical to the “Oh, you’re a feminist” reaction. People start walking on egg shells. I have to tell the raunchiest jokes I know to snap them out of it.

I suppose it’s because most teachers are somewhat moralistic. I don’t have any in my school that also dropped acid at a Guns and Roses concert in their youth. I suppose head-banging high-school drop-outs rarely become teachers. I teach because I like to learn. And my desire to learn can be seen in my varied interests, including tattoos and piercings.

I suppose the eyebrow piercing could also have the effect of raunchy jokes. People might talk to me anyway, even though I’m a teacher, since I also have a facial piercing. It can serve to immediately counter the shy, sweet label I often get stuck with and replace it with cynical and bitchy, which is how I actually feel. It's a way to get my projected image more closely aligned to my authentic self in order to avoid constant misinterpretations of my words and actions.

A woman I teach with often translates my words and actions for others in a way that just baffles me. People are organizing a pot-luck and want me to attend. I decline. She explains to them all that I'm just too shy to manage big parties. And I object, "I'm not afraid to go to your parties, I just find them painfully boring. I don't talk much not because I'm nervous to talk, but because I generally hate people." And she chuckles and smiles at me with pity because she thinks I'm trying so hard to hide the truth of my condition. Weird. I seem to have a look about me that's so gentle and kind that I can be that overtly bitchy and still be seen as sweet and innocent. Which is fun to play with sometimes, but most of the time it's annoying.

But, alas, I’m a stomach-sleeper, and the ring is getting in the way of a good night’s sleep which is critical with a two-year-old to chase after all day. Also, I can see it out of the corner of my eye which is beginning to really irritate me. So, after all that, I might end up taking it out.

Maybe I’ll carry around a picture of me with the piercing to show people who go quiet after hearing my career preference. Or maybe I’ll just tell them to stop being dorks. Hey, judge not and all, people!