Feminist Survival Guide

I was scanning book reviews and thought I saw this: “…is the author of survival books on feminism….” It really said “several books,” but my original interpretation got me thinking about surviving as a feminist and the survival of feminism. And thinking that a good book on the topic might be handy right about now.

In real life, I’m surrounded by men and women who bristle at the f-word. I have no like-minded souls to debate with. And on-line, this is a feisty lot. I’ve learned tons since wandering this web of people. It’s not efficient to preach to the choir, but it sure is helpful to find some agreement here and there in order to re-charge once in a while.

But, and this is a long-debated question, how can feminists hope to change the world if we all have such different visions? I never understood the importance of the question until I hit the blogosphere.

To survive as a feminist requires a thick skin and strong backbone. To help others survive requires tempering comments, ensuring they’re free from abusiveness or accusatory tones. I typically read and fall silent when I run across anger unleashed. I’m not sure it’s the best option.

I cast my net as broadly as possible. I’d hate to miss out on an amazing idea because the writer wears pantyhose. But many bloggers are much more exclusive. I can understand why. It feels safe and right to be surrounded by people who have your back. And it can be exhausting to fight to be heard or understood over and over again.

In my school, students know me, and my classes tend to fill up with very left-leaning students. I end up arguing from the right to mix it up a bit, so we’re not all just feeding off each other in a self-righteous delirium. Debate is a useful way to really learn positions. But there’s something to be said for solidarity also.

I really don’t care if women wear make-up and heels or flannel shirts and shaved heads, but some are adamantly on one side or the other on this issue, so much so that they can’t rationally discuss it without myriad personal attacks. It’s similar to stay-at-home and working moms arguing the merits of their lifestyles.

I recognize the triggers that set people off when discussing the sex trade. I think there’ll be a long road towards any kind of agreement there. And I don’t think we need to be united in all issues. But a bit of common ground would provide for some semblance of stability.

I think of feminism as being all about choice, and I struggle to understand anti-abortion feminism. That’s a hard one for me. But I try to maintain a skeptical awareness that even my own strong views might change on this one in years to come if I maintain an open mind.

But now I’m trying to affect legislation around rapists, wife batterers, and pedophiles. I think a child rapist should get a stiffer penalty than a car thief for example. It’s an indication that women and children are valuable enough to be protected in this country, more valuable than mere property. A no brainer, right? Nope. Even this idea raises feminist opposition.

So is there a foundation of feminist beliefs? Does there need to be one. Or is it a matter of accepting being on pretty shaky ground as a group?