In Defense of Profanity

WARNING: lots of swearing in this one!

Over at Echidne I was reading a post about the rudeness of profanity in blogs. Then I realized that I couldn't make it through a 9-sentence post about my baby without some profanity in the mix. Apparently, I'm quite a gutter mouth. Echidne criticizes the complainant because he doesn't suggest why people use profanity on the net. I thought I'd tackle it, but I can give only my own personal reasons here.

I was raised by two professors who both swore a blue streak. Occasionally, my mom would use the more acceptable, "oh sugar" or "fudge!" the opening phoneme giving her momentary thinking space. Because of this upbringing, I don't associate swearing with less educated people, like some do. Nor does it cause me any anxiety or fear. For some people, profanity is used in times of crisis only, so it takes on an angry flavour that can then provoke fearfulness. In my house, swear words peppered daily conversations liberally, so they took on no such nuance. They're just harmless words to my ears.

Why are replacement words like "fudge" or "frigging" or "cheese and rice" or "heck" or "gall darn it" or "sugar" considered better than the actual terms when we all know that's what you're really thinking? I don't think they are any better. I'd be just as offended by being told, "'S' my 'd' you 'f'-ing 'b'!" as I would if it was spelled out for me. We're thinking about body parts, sex acts, and bodily functions whichever terms we use. Actually, most often we're just thinking of our own experience, misery or delight, that's eliciting the words of choice.

I find it hard to apologize for the use of select words and phrases because they are so arbitrarily denounced. We insult one another with body parts, goofy or vile. The subtle distinctions between terms is a necessarily established part of socialization in our culture. A wienie or a boob is someone you don't respect. A prick or a cunt is far worse.

And I really don't understand why we can say feces, scat and poop, but not shit, or why we can say fornicate, copulate, and have a go, but not fuck. And why is "f*ck" okay, but not "fuck" - ahhh, my eyes! It's this one "F" word that stops even the most lenient teachers in their tracks even though it's permissible to say something "sucks" which is also sexual in nature. Why do we give that one word so much power? It baffles me that it's so offensive in this day and age. It's often just a harmless space filler giving the orator time to think of the next words to use, and some people need a lot more time than others.

I might understand avoiding blasphemous words in a public context for religious reasons. But these are some of the most commonly used terms that have become so mainstream, they're no longer restricted in the schools. "Oh God, I've got so much homework," is a commonly heard complaint. And I often use "dammit" at the end of a forceful statement without thinking of its religious connotations. These are the words I could understand restricting if I believed there was a large number of people offended by them. But I hear the terms as often from the god-fearing as from the atheists.

So those are a few reasons why profane language doesn't bother me, but since some people are negatively affected by use of these words, should people stop using profanity when addressing an audience of unknown backgrounds?

One problem with weeding out any offensive terms is that different people are affected by different words. I'll often greet a group of women with, "Hey, chicks!" as a way of reclaiming words used against us. But one of my friends finds it so offensive, I take greater care around her. How many words will I have to omit from my writing? Do I take a survey to find out what offends? Or do I just stop using that one powerful word? On-line, my ideas will be offensive enough to some to stop worrying about word choice. If a few words, arbitrarily determined to be bad, will stop someone from reading further, maybe I'll have to accept that loss.

But I still haven't answered why I use these words, but merely clarified why I'm not bothered by them. Part of the reason I use them here is that when I blog, I'm talking to you. So, I'm writing like I talk: colourfully. And I talk like a potty-mouth essentially because of my parents' and teachers' tolerance for it. Beyond external influences, swearing creates a casual, open vernacular that says, "You can say anything here." There's a non-judgmental openness created. Curse words allow for more emotional involvement in the topic. I can't imagine writing about abortion or rape without using a few. Also, after years of writing papers, I'm happy to create writing that's not at all academic in nature, so I'm stretching the boundaries as far as they'll go. And since 95% of my time is spent with children, my blogging time is adult time. Swearing makes me feel that momentary freedom of childlessness. This is a grown-up place to talk about grown-up stuff using grown-up language.

Finally, there's a certain friendliness or camaraderie apparent when people swear in front of one another. It says, "Here's how I'm talking. If that's alright with you, then happy to know you. Stick around a while."

I'm sorry to offend, but I guess not sorry enough to change.