Valerie Solanas isn't my hero. She wrote the SCUM Manifesto, and her life was made famous in the film I Shot Andy Warhol. I don't agree with her general thesis that we can blame one sex for all the problems of the world or of ourselves. However, I love her chutzpah. She spoke her mind freely and unequivocally all the time. She was rude and offensive and completely unapologetic about it. She's not my hero, but she's reminiscent of a part of me that wells up from time to time, unfortunately, a part that's rarely accepted or honoured by other women.
I was out with a group of women recently. One woman was explaining to the rest why we must continue shopping at the Gap and similar stores for the good of the economy. I jumped all over her argument countering that the economy won't collapse if I shop at 10,000 Villages instead of Walmart. The reaction of the other women was striking. They all jumped to calm me down, soothe me, and sedate me with chocolate. They didn't care about the issue, but about my blood pressure. I seemed to have frightened them with my passion for debate. The subject was changed, danger averted, and we all went back to polite discourse about nothing. I even kept my mouth shut when one woman insisted we must immediately go for a long walk to work off the calories in the two drinks we each had consumed.
The day after a previous disagreement with a neighbour about body image, she came to my house to apologize for arguing with me. I told her it was a very enjoyable debate, but she insisted she just felt horrible for the rest of the night and had to make amends. She actually felt physically ill after "having it out" with me. Apparently, to be a good friend necessitates agreeing with opinions you really don't hold. Anything less is vile. To enjoy conflict, from this perspective, is akin to enjoying violence as the giver or receiver. And there's something really disturbing about that. But, ladies, it's not the same at all!!
These are intelligent, well-educated women. What has to have happened to a person, to all these women, to make mild conflict provoke fear or illness? I know a few men who flinch at disagreement, but not many, and not nearly to the same extent. I was raised in a home where we had intelligent disagreements about politics, religion, sex, violence, everything at the dinner table every night. I'm frustrated that I can't find that in my life with other women. Without conflict, without disagreement, we can't learn with any depth of understanding. I want people to tell me what's wrong with my ideas so I can improve my logic or solidify my explanation, or maybe even discover immutable flaws with my perspective forcing a change in my entire belief system. How exciting!
I want the Solanas in me to be able to connect with the Solanas in other women. I know she's in there somewhere! I want to really talk with people about important stuff, no holds bared, not just natter on about crap. But how to get past women's fear of offending, fear of not being nice enough, fear of conflict erupting out of control? I can disagree with you without hating you or hurting you. But how can I convince you not to be afraid?
Monday, March 20, 2006
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16 comments:
I was so thrilled in college to find passionate, articulate feminists to debate issues with. Since then, I have found that people seem terribly anxious about any discussions beyond the weather. Why?
As another woman unafraid of verbally hashing out difficult topics with other women, I hear you loud and clear.
Silverside - I sometimes wonder if people view rebelliousness (meaning any opinion that counters the status quo) as immature. I get that sense from the eye-rolling reaction my comments often provoke that seems to say, "When are you going to grow up?". It's so frustrating to me to watch brilliant women turn into automatons for the corporate or patriarchal machine that's grinding us all down. We'll just keep on throwing the ideas out there and maybe a few more will bite.
Sam - I love your website!
I grasp your point about people - and particularly women - being afraid of a simple verbal disagreement, but I'm a bit disturbed that you admire Valerie Solanis for her chutzpah. Valerie was mentally ill.
You say there's a bit of her in all women. I can understand that: I believe similarly that there is a bit of the violent sadist in all men. But neither of these is anything to be nurtured nor celebrated. They are to be suppressed and controlled. This is the very essence of civilization. It is precisely because Valerie could not control her rage that she was institutionalized.
j.,
I know Solanis was mentally ill, but I don't have any problems admiring someone with a mental illness. I'm not glorifying her illness, but neither will I dismiss anyone because they struggle with reality. I don't think we should emulate all aspects of Solanis, but wouldn't we be better off allowing her type of passionate, angry energy to come out of us once in a while?
I agree we should restrain ourselves from causing real harm to others, but not from shocking others or waking them out of their consumerist comas. Anger expressed in violent acts certainly needs restraint or consequences, but anger expressed verbally should not send us screaming and running for cover. The fact that it sometimes does is what I find disturbing.
I understand your opinion that civilization is about suppressing outbursts of raw, honest dialogue, and I think it's often a good idea to think before you speak, but I also believe we're suppressing ourselves to a fault. If we don't speak our minds, nothing will change, nothing will improve. We can all happily go about our business like Stepford Wives for the good of civilization, but not for the benefit of the individual living a pseudo-life.
I see a dichotomy developing. A few radicals saying everything that comes to mind and shaking up the word, and the masses keeping quiet, not wanting to rock the boat with their silly opinions. Surely there's a happy medium in there somewhere.
This is brilliant.
I think this anxiety over conflict is heavily gendered. I know lots of men who will happily create arguments for the sake of getting a debate going. This is very rarely the case with women. I've always struggled with my own fear of conflict. You see, I was raised to be a good, responsible, catholic girl -- the kind of person who always smoothes things over and makes peace. I'm still in the process deprogramming myself!
re: Solanis - I don't think it's right to suggest we should ignore the voices of people who are mentally ill! Just because she was ill doesn't mean she had nothing important to say.
Hi,
Yes, I agree - I love debate myself and when I try to debate something with people, they either become apologetic or tell me not to get "so worked up and calm down". I think its easier to debate with my boyfriend sometimes rather than my friends - although I find that students generally enjoy debate, especially in my sociology course!
Regarding mentally ill women - read
http://amananta.wordpress.com/2006/05/05/mentally-ill/
It is an interesting post about women who are mentally ill. Sometimes women who are mentally ill have good reason to be - I myself have felt depressed at times over the state of our society regarding women.
Thanks for the reading, Fallingstar.
Sage, are you familiar with Hothead Paisan? sort of the cartoon fantasy version of Solanas, in the context of a universe which may in fact be bigger than the oddly endearing "homicidal lesbian terrorist" believes, as conceived by Diane DiMassa? just finished writing an ode to her at my spot; there's a mention of Solanas.
She's not a hero for her actions, Solanas, no; but if she'd stayed in the realm of art, she could've been something fierce. Some women put on "Up Your Ass" a few years ago; it was hell funny. I thought, anyway,
>Sometimes women who are mentally ill have good reason to be -
Everyone who's mentally ill has good reason to be.
I do think that the "oh, dear, mustn't disagree or get angry; I or she or they might DIE" is a cultural thing, in ways besides being a gender-socialization thing, I mean. People from other countries have remarked several times to me how odd they find the "nice girl" business. Also think it's at least somewhat class-based, among other factors. (religion, region, less easily identifiable stuff)
I agree. I live in an exclusive area full of women that just want to talk about other people's children and how they parent them as opposed to helping each other. I really makes me sick. I have two young girls and worry about their state of mind growing up in all of this. The 4 year old has already come home from school talking about clubs excluding people. I guess these are all good opportunities for learning experiences young but it just feels awful inside.
Very nice site! »
Valerie Solanas was mentally ill. However, I agree with a lot of her views. Some of her ideas or suggestions are indeed harsh but nonetheless I too believe in the natural superiority women. I think she brings up some legitimate viewpoints.
Greetings everyone!
Hmmmmm...the natural superiority of XXXXXX, where have I heard this one before? Seems familiar somehow.
I have also read SCUM and my view on the subjekt is that Valerie shows sign of both brilliance as well as insanity. As for her background and traumatic childhood its true with her as for the rest of us, that it inevitably influences us as adults.
Frankly, being a male myself, and also somewhat macho (finnish heritage) I still wouldnt mourn the demise of patriarchy and the coming of an equal society.
I dont really think the sex we are born into is the problem, after all, we dont chose this
Inside Every Polite Woman is a Valerie Solanas Screaming to Get Out
Sage: Bless you for your title. Valerie Solanas had the courage to say things that needed to be said. As a gay man I try to really think and feel about what she says.
belledame222: I love Hothead Paisan. I'll never forget the part where she responds to the charge that she is too filled with hate by saying something like "I'm not filled with hate, I LOVE WOMEN!"
Bob from Seattle
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